Yazbowe Blues

Mickey Rourke, The Man

Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with? Least like?

Without hesitation, MIckey Rourke is the person I'd love to be stuck on the elevator with. This would give me the opportunity to make the famous 30 sec. elevator pitch. Breath deep, calm my nerves and flash a dazzling smile; "Mr. Rourke, I want you to know that despite the fact that the academy chose to give the Oscar to the other guy,  you were the real winner. I've seen almost every film you've made and not once have you let the audience down. What you bring to the screen is magical and I'd love for you to read the screenplay I wrote, there's a part in it made for you. It has all the nuances and complexities that Mickey Rourke can bring to  life. Will you read it?"

After about 30 seconds of contemplation Mickey says," Sure, I'll give it a read. Contact info? I see it's on the script. Ok, I'll give you a call and let you know what I think." Smiles, handshake and we exit the elevator.

Happy Halloween !

On a lighter note; today is the most fun holiday of the year, Halloween! Fun because it doesn't require hanging out with family for lengthy meals. Honestly,Thanksgiving and CChristmas can send you back to therapy. Seriously, we all love our families but ,family and dysfunctional are synonymous.

Of course I'm not talking about "your" family, I'm referring to my own. When I became an adult and began preparing the huge holiday feast, I also began to sip wine or brandy during the process. It is quite relaxing and an homage to Julia Child and Emeril Lagasse.The fact is that these epicurean masters understand the connection between cooking and healing.

Certainly, a spoonful of sugar or butter makes every ill seem bearable or transformable, maybe even enlightened. Which gives us reason to get up early, get in the kitchen and bake those Parkerhouse rolls for holiday dinners,help grandma snap those green beans and pour extra gravy on the mashed potatoes, turkey and stuffing.

In the meantime call your girls put on a mask and head for the Village....or DC Comics (chuckle).  

From The Frying Pan

More than a few times we've heard the old adage; out of the frying pan and into the fire. Well, not only have I heard it but, I've lived it. Especially as it pertains to men and relationships. Of course we grow older and wiser( a cliche that simply isn't true) and make better choices.

Wait a minute, how old are Carrie and Charlotte? Even if Sex and The City was not actually representative of daily life for NY women, it did highlight our desperate need to couple. At the end of the day strappy Manolo's are no comfort. Which makes us vulnerable to the likes of super slick  Marcus Graham (Boomerang), superficial Hal Larson (Shallow Hal) or the devil himself Daryl Van Horne (Witches of Eastwick).

In my case one charming MF (initials are real) that I met at a business conference in the genteel state of Virginia. He is everything I am attracted to; tall, blond, super intelligent and sarcastic. After our first encounter we began daily telecommunication, and endless emails. Once we talked from late night till dawn.

We were engaged in a weird kind of pillow talk, all about commissions and marketing. Money is a sexy late night topic. Finally I decided to kick things up a notch, and invited him to spend a weekend in New York. Most people will not turn down accommodations in our city. He was no exception.

Why didn't alarms go off when, suddenly Mr. Wonderful vanished from the radar. No calls, no emails, nothing. This is the crucial point when the older wiser voice begins to whisper and butterflies take residence in my gut. Haven't we been told over and over, the gut never lies.

This is the scene when I check one MF off my list. Unfortunately, after almost a month of complete and utter silence an email arrives MF is in the hospital. Oh my God... but wait, if he's in the hospital who sent the email from his account, which is surely password protected. Oh yeah, his son. Right.

There are several books that define what is known as a crazy-maker. Someone who thrives on drama and crisis, a person that will hook you into the madness and feed on your energy until you collapse. If you happen to be involved with a crazy-maker, run like hell.

Of course I rarely listen to my own advice, so I ran to the crazy-maker. All the way to Frying Pan N.C. and yes Frying Pan is on the map. It's a little section in Columbia between the Scuppernong River and the Albemarle sound. There I was at the end of Frying Pan Road surrounded by pine trees, a lake with cypress trees growing out of it, woodpeckers, duck, deer and black bears.

For daily exercise I walked up and down the road less traveled ( approximately 12 cars per week) , breathed the fresh air and watched turtles basking in the sun atop a fallen branch before they dived into the algae covered irrigation ditch upon hearing my footsteps. No matter how lightly I tread they heard me coming. The other thing is guns, almost everyone in N.C. owns firearms. A weapon of choice being a shotgun, or another type of rifle.

Initially I found this southern culture intriguing despite the mosquitoes, especially the part when he showed me the cottage and the where all of my things could go. Empty suitcases and boxes neatly stored in attic, an antique chest for my clothes and butsudan and sunlight coming from four directions. The first few days were lovely, we sat on the porch at night and gazed at a star filled sky while I sipped wine and he smoked a Cohiba.

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach and anyone who has attended a party at my house know's that I can cook. Needless to say my 280lb teddy bear loved to eat. After dinner, he loved to talk, the only problem was that he said the same things repeatedly. There we were discussing the radio show we were co-producing and we'd disagree about an element and the rant would begin.

Now any wise woman would say " oh, I see" and shut the hell up, but not me. For as long as I've been verbal, I usually have the last word. Which unless you're a trial attorney is useless. Here I am debating with an overgrown, juvenile, egomaniac and for what,something ridiculous like what time we would drive into Columbia to buy groceries. Did I mention that this behavior was enacted at ever increasing intervals.

This was not unfamiliar territory because I seemed to have attracted these crazy-makers since I was in third grade at P.S. 28 and had my first fight with James Madeira. Or when I was in high school and started going out with Sly's brother who didn't speak English but, in a jealous rage put a gun in my face. When I bumped into him last year he still couldn't speak English and tried to get my phone number. I don't think so.

As for Frying Pan, it took me about six weeks to realize that being in a relationship with A Beautiful Mind is romantic in theory but, almost impossible in practice. It is tiresome, draining, sexless, unfulfilled and masochistic. Lesson learned; the gut never lies.

 

href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Yazbowe-Show"><imgid="BTRButton" border="0" alt="Listen to Yazbowe Show on internet talk radio"   src="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/img/180x60_wht.gif"/>>